Ashley came up and surprised us on her fall break. She stayed for 5 days. It was wonderful having a piece of home here. And it was so great that things weren't awkward with her after being apart for 2 months. It was a secure feeling.
Josh and I are on thin ice again. He, as always, doesn't seem to always understand things. I don't want to go into detail, but I really need some good energy thrown my way. I'm pretty sure it would be best for us both to separate, but that statement is so much easier written down. Despite the differences and difficulties, we still both care for each other immensely. And I know we both don't want to lose our friendship, either. It is all so confusing and heart breaking. Love sucks.
I am getting over a stye in my eye. My first one ever. Only lasted 2 days. It was pretty painful but not as bad as people made it seem. Still, it was an inconvenience.
I'm doubting my abilities as a photographer. I can't seem to find inspiration therefore my work is really lacking depth. I procrastinate, complain, and hurry. I'm feeling very indifferent about darkroom too. I hate spending so much money on film and paper and I hate being around so many chemicals constantly. But I love the solitude it offers. Spending 4 hours only getting 2 prints, though, sucks. I want to do digital. I think. I don't know!!! But I am definitely not liking any of my work. Today, however, was the first day my darkroom teacher said "I really like this photo" to me. I've been dying for his approval because it isn't easily given. I thanked him and walked back in the darkroom to fix the print with the hugest smile on my face while "Chicago" by Sufjan Stevens came on my ipod (which if you do not know I highly suggest listening to). It was the best moment ever. It revived me a little. My goal now is to look up tons of photographers and see what inspires me and experiment experiment! I just wish experimenting wasn't so risky with film.
My parents are coming in two days! Nothing has ever sounded so sweet and wonderful. Then Nate comes next weekend. 3 weekend visits in a row! October is the best month.
Monday I turn 19. 19? Doesn't that sound so unpleasant? My last year as a teenager. What an awkward year. 18 was a big fun year and 20 will be exciting, but 19? I'm not very thrilled.
I've got class in an hour. Couldn't I just stay home and nap all day? Curl up in my blankets and watch the sun set? No. I've got class and tons of cleaning to do. And homework in 2-d design and darkroom which requires me to not be at home. Which in essence means I'm totally going to blow it off. until this weekend but I won't even have time this weekend because I will be with my parents! :] Am I complaining? No. Will my grades? ..... Yes. Do I care right now? Well, maybe I shouldn't post that answer. After all, the people paying for my education are reading this...... Don't worry. I'll get it done eventually! ..... :D
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